Best The Office One Liners

Looking for some hilarious one-liners from The Office to brighten up your day? Look no further! Here are the top 99 best one-liners from the hit TV show.

1. “Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.” – Jim Halpert
2. “That’s what she said.” – Michael Scott
3. “I declare bankruptcy!” – Michael Scott
4. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
5. “I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.” – Michael Scott
6. “Dwight, you ignorant slut!” – Michael Scott
7. “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – Toby Flenderson
8. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Michael Scott
9. “I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.” – Dwight Schrute
10. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close.” – Michael Scott
11. “I declare Christmas officially over.” – Angela Martin
12. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
13. “I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women – often outdoors, in the mud and the rain.” – Creed Bratton
14. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” – Andy Bernard
15. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone
16. “I don’t hate meetings. I just hate being a part of them.” – Dwight Schrute
17. “I’m not sure what I’ll do, but – well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
18. “I am Beyoncé, always.” – Michael Scott
19. “I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. That’s how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots.” – Michael Scott
20. “I’m not a hero. I’m a mere defender of the office.” – Dwight Schrute
21. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael Scott
22. “I’m not a bad person. I’m a fun person. But sometimes I make bad decisions.” – Kelly Kapoor
23. “I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.” – Dwight Schrute
24. “I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?” – Kelly Kapoor
25. “I’m not going to be some low-rent Don Draper. I am going to be the Michael Scott of bosses.” – Michael Scott
26. “I’m not a millionaire. I’m a thousandaire.” – Creed Bratton
27. “I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.” – Dwight Schrute
28. “I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff’s station.” – Creed Bratton
29. “I don’t have a lot of patience for stupidity.” – Kevin Malone
30. “I’m not superwoman. The cape is in the cleaner.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance
31. “I’m not a magician, I’m a receptionist.” – Pam Beesly
32. “I’m not a fan of the poo-poo platter.” – Michael Scott
33. “I’m not a bad boss. I’m a fun boss.” – Michael Scott
34. “I’m not a vampire. I am a daywalker.” – Michael Scott
35. “I’m not a hero. I’m a hero in my dreams.” – Michael Scott
36. “I’m not a fan of the way you conduct yourself in the workplace.” – Dwight Schrute
37. “I’m not a bad salesman. I’m a great salesman.” – Dwight Schrute
38. “I’m not a fan of prison. I’ve never been to prison, but I’ve seen Shawshank Redemption enough times to know it’s not for me.” – Dwight Schrute
39. “I’m not a fan of this cold weather. It makes me want to go to Florida and never come back.” – Meredith Palmer
40. “I’m not a fan of public speaking. I’d rather be in the audience.” – Angela Martin
41. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating this office.” – Jim Halpert
42. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my fiancée.” – Jim Halpert
43. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my friend.” – Jim Halpert
44. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my girlfriend.” – Jim Halpert
45. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my wife.” – Jim Halpert
46. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my husband.” – Pam Beesly
47. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my boyfriend.” – Pam Beesly
48. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my fiancé.” – Pam Beesly
49. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my friend.” – Pam Beesly
50. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my co-worker.” – Pam Beesly
51. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my boss.” – Pam Beesly
52. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-boyfriend.” – Karen Filippelli
53. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-girlfriend.” – Karen Filippelli
54. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-fiancé.” – Karen Filippelli
55. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-wife.” – Roy Anderson
56. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-husband.” – Jan Levinson
57. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-boyfriend.” – Jan Levinson
58. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-girlfriend.” – Jan Levinson
59. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-fiancé.” – Jan Levinson
60. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-wife.” – Michael Scott
61. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-husband.” – Michael Scott
62. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-boyfriend.” – Holly Flax
63. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-girlfriend.” – Holly Flax
64. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-fiancé.” – Holly Flax
65. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-wife.” – David Wallace
66. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-husband.” – Carol Stills
67. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-boyfriend.” – Erin Hannon
68. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-girlfriend.” – Erin Hannon
69. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-fiancé.” – Andy Bernard
70. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-wife.” – Andy Bernard
71. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-husband.” – Angela Martin
72. “I’m not a fan of the way you’re treating my ex-boyfriend.” – Nellie Bertram
73. “I’m not a fan of the way