Top 99 Funny Baby Quotes For New Parents

Looking for some hilarious baby quotes to brighten up your day? Check out our top 99 picks for the funniest baby quotes for new parents:

1. “Sleep when the baby sleeps? Challenge accepted!” – Unknown 2. “Babies are such a nice way to start people.” – Don Herold 3. “You know you’re a parent when going to the grocery store by yourself feels like a vacation.” – Unknown 4. “I never knew I could be so excited about someone else’s poop.” – Unknown 5. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner 6. “Babies are like little suns that, in a magical way, bring warmth, happiness and light into our lives.” – Kartini Diapari-Oengider 7. “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early or acting like you know what you’re doing.” – Jim Gaffigan 8. “A baby is a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.” – Ronald Knox 9. “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were, fathers would do it.” – The Golden Girls 10. “Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” – Jerry Seinfeld 11. “I think my baby just said ‘I love you’ but it was probably just gas.” – Unknown 12. “Parenting is like being on a rollercoaster. There are ups and downs, twists and turns and sometimes you just want to throw up.” – Unknown 13. “Babies are always more trouble than you thought – and more wonderful.” – Charles Osgood 14. “A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.” – Unknown 15. “Parenting tip: If you’re wondering how long it takes for a baby to find a tissue you left on the coffee table, the answer is approximately 3 seconds.” – Unknown 16. “Babies are like little DJs – they know just when to change the mood.” – Unknown 17. “There’s really nothing quite so sweet as tiny, little baby feet.” – Unknown 18. “Parenting is like being pecked to death by a duck that you love.” – Unknown 19. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle 20. “Babies are such a nice way to start people.” – Roger Caras 21. “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle a screaming toddler.” – Unknown 22. “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” – Rajneesh 23. “Children reinvent your world for you.” – Susan Sarandon 24. “I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a mom.” – Unknown 25. “Being a mom is like being a superhero. You don’t need a cape, but you do need superpowers.” – Unknown 26. “A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.” – Carl Sandburg 27. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse 28. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” – Nora Ephron 29. “Babies are like little bundles of hope. They remind us that the future is worth fighting for.” – Unknown 30. “Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert 31. “Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.” – Matt Walsh 32. “Babies are such a nice way to start people.” – Don Herold 33. “The only thing that can console me when my baby won’t sleep is the thought that someday he’ll be a teenager and I’ll be able to wake him up early.” – Unknown 34. “A baby’s laughter is like a lullaby that puts the world at peace.” – Unknown 35. “Raising kids is like trying to nail Jello to a tree.” – Unknown 36. “Babies are like little blessings, sent from above to fill our hearts with love.” – Unknown 37. “I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me ‘mommy’.” – Unknown 38. “The best way to get a child to sleep is to make the bed with fresh sheets, then tell them not to get in it.” – Martin Mull 39. “Babies are the link between angels and humans.” – Unknown 40. “Parenting is mostly just informing your children how many more minutes they have of something.” – Jim Gaffigan 41. “Babies are like little reminders that life is good.” – Unknown 42. “Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how to do it perfectly, but somehow it all works out in the end.” – Unknown 43. “A baby’s smile is like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.” – Unknown 44. “The best thing about having kids is that they’ll always think you’re cooler than you actually are.” – Unknown 45. “Babies are like little balls of happiness that you can hold in your arms.” – Unknown 46. “Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed early and wanting to stay up late.” – Unknown 47. “A baby’s cry is like a siren that only a parent can hear.” – Unknown 48. “Babies are like little miracles that make us believe in the impossible.” – Unknown 49. “Parenting is like trying to fold a fitted sheet. It’s impossible and you’re always left with a mess.” – Unknown 50. “A baby’s laugh is like music to the ears.” – Unknown 51. “Babies are like little rays of sunshine that make everything brighter.” – Unknown 52. “Being a parent means loving your kids unconditionally even when they drive you crazy.” – Unknown 53. “A baby’s yawn is like a contagious virus that makes everyone around them yawn too.” – Unknown 54. “Babies are like little comedians that don’t even know they’re funny.” – Unknown 55. “Parenting is like being in a constant state of exhaustion and love.” – Unknown 56. “A baby’s first words are like a symphony to the ears.” – Unknown 57. “Babies are like little bundles of joy that make life worth living.” – Unknown 58. “Being a parent is like trying to juggle a million things at once and hoping you don’t drop any of them.” – Unknown 59. “A baby’s giggle is like medicine for the soul.” – Unknown 60. “Babies are like little bundles of love that make our lives complete.” – Unknown 61. “Parenting is like a rollercoaster ride – it’s scary, exciting, and you never know what’s going to happen next.” – Unknown 62. “A baby’s first steps are like a victory march for parents.” – Unknown 63. “Babies are like little balls of energy that keep us on our toes.” – Unknown 64. “Being a parent is like being a superhero – you have to be strong, brave, and always ready to save the day.” – Unknown 65. “A baby’s cry is like a siren that signals the start of a new adventure.” – Unknown 66. “Babies are like little miracles that remind us of the beauty of life.” – Unknown 67. “Parenting is like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole – just when you think you’ve got everything under control, something else pops up.” – Unknown 68. “A baby’s smile is like a ray of sunshine that warms the heart.” – Unknown 69. “Babies are like little bundles of hope that make us believe in a better world.” – Unknown 70. “Being a parent is like being a teacher, but without the summers off.” – Unknown 71. “A baby’s laugh is like a melody that brings joy to the soul.” – Unknown 72. “Babies are like little bundles of innocence that remind us of the purity of life.” – Unknown 73. “Parenting is like trying to herd cats – it’s chaotic, unpredictable, and sometimes a little bit crazy.” – Unknown 74. “A baby’s first words are like a symphony that fills the heart with joy.” – Unknown 75. “Babies are like little bundles of love that make our lives richer and more meaningful.” – Unknown 76. “Being a parent is like being a coach – you have to motivate, encourage, and inspire your team to be their best.” – Unknown 77. “A baby’s giggle is like a fountain of joy that never runs dry.” – Unknown 78. “Babies are like little bundles of joy that make the world a happier place.” – Unknown 79. “Parenting is like a dance – sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, but you always have to be in sync.” – Unknown 80. “A baby’s first steps are like a leap of faith that fills parents with pride.” – Unknown