Top 99 Funny Greetings To Say Over Text

Are you tired of sending the same old boring greetings over text? Spice up your conversations with these hilarious and clever funny greetings! Here are the top 99 quotes for “Funny Greetings To Say Over Text”:

1. “Hey there, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you look like you landed on your face.”
2. “I’m not saying you’re old, but I heard you invented the wheel.”
3. “I was going to tell you a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.”
4. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
5. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
6. “I’m not sure if I’m the best person for the job, but they didn’t have any other volunteers at the insane asylum.”
7. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?”
8. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but it looks like you got lost in your own thought.”
9. “I’m not saying you’re boring, but you make paint drying seem like an action-packed event.”
10. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but you make bumper cars look like a demolition derby.”
11. “I’m not saying you’re forgetful, but I bet you can’t remember the last time you remembered something.”
12. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but your smoke detector is your number one fan.”
13. “I’m not saying you’re messy, but your room looks like a tornado hit it and then came back for seconds.”
14. “I’m not saying you’re cheap, but I heard you bought a 99-cent store and turned it into a mansion.”
15. “I’m not saying you’re slow, but a snail just lapped you.”
16. “I’m not saying you’re clumsy, but I bet you could trip over a cordless phone.”
17. “I’m not saying you’re ugly, but your face could scare off a scarecrow.”
18. “I’m not saying you’re a bad singer, but I heard karaoke bars pay you to stop.”
19. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I saw a tree with more rhythm than you.”
20. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re not even reading this.”
21. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but you make Judas Iscariot look like a saint.”
22. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard the devil asked for your autograph.”
23. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I bet you couldn’t find your way out of a parking lot.”
24. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard your food is so bad, even the garbage can’t swallow it.”
25. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you got kicked out of a conga line.”
26. “I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you make Forrest Gump look like Stephen Hawking.”
27. “I’m not saying you’re annoying, but I heard your parents changed their phone number.”
28. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard your karma ran over your dogma.”
29. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you gave your friend a Get-Well card for their STD.”
30. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got a ticket for driving in reverse on the highway.”
31. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you use a fire extinguisher to season your food.”
32. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you got banned from a Zumba class for causing a stampede.”
33. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re already planning your response instead of reading this.”
34. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you got kicked out of Hell for being too evil.”
35. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you asked your friend to help you move and then left them stranded on the side of the road.”
36. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for doing the speed limit in the left lane.”
37. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you use a blowtorch to make toast.”
38. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you caused a power outage with your moves.”
39. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re already planning your next interruption.”
40. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you stole candy from a baby and then sold it back to them at a markup.”
41. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you forgot your friend’s birthday and then blamed it on daylight saving time.”
42. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for driving with your eyes closed.”
43. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you set your kitchen on fire trying to make cereal.”
44. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you made the dance floor collapse.”
45. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re not even paying attention to this.”
46. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you sold your soul to the devil and then asked for a refund.”
47. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you stole your friend’s identity and then forgot to give it back.”
48. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for driving in reverse on the freeway.”
49. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you got food poisoning from your own cooking.”
50. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you caused a power outage in the whole town.”
51. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re already planning your escape plan.”
52. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you made the Grinch look like a saint.”
53. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you promised your friend you’d be there for them, and then you moved to another country.”
54. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for driving with your feet.”
55. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you set off the fire alarm making ice.”
56. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you made the floor collapse twice.”
57. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re not even reading this anymore.”
58. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you made the Joker look like a clown.”
59. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you forgot to pick up your friend from the airport and then blamed it on traffic.”
60. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for driving with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind your back.”
61. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you set the kitchen on fire trying to make toast.”
62. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you made the building shake with your moves.”
63. “I’m not saying you’re a bad listener, but I bet you’re already planning your next interruption.”
64. “I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I heard you got kicked out of the underworld for being too evil.”
65. “I’m not saying you’re a bad friend, but I heard you forgot your friend’s name and then called them ‘dude’ for the rest of the night.”
66. “I’m not saying you’re a bad driver, but I heard you got pulled over for driving on the sidewalk.”
67. “I’m not saying you’re a bad cook, but I heard you set the kitchen on fire trying to boil water.”
68. “I’m not saying you’re a bad dancer, but I heard you caused an earthquake with your moves.”
69. “I’m