Here are the top 99 Ron Swanson quotes on government:
2. “I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.”
3. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
4. “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
6. “Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”
7. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
8. “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had.”
10. “I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years.”
11. “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
12. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
14. “I don’t believe in charities. The government should take care of people.”
15. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
16. “When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”
18. “I have a hernia. It’s nothing to worry about. Just a little bulge.”
19. “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.”
20. “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”
22. “There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.”
23. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
24. “I’m not a fan of this word ‘salad.’ It comes from the Latin word ‘salerius,’ meaning ‘dirty leafy water.’
26. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
27. “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had.”
28. “Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
30. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
31. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
32. “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”
34. “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I’m worried what you just heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, ‘Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?”
35. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
36. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
38. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
39. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
40. “I am not a fan of this word ‘internet.’ It seems too impersonal. I prefer ‘world wide computer information network.’
42. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
43. “When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”
44. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
46. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
47. “I once ate a whole pig. I don’t mean a whole pig’s worth of bacon and sausage. I mean a whole pig, from snout to tail.”
48. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
50. “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”
51. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
52. “I don’t believe in charity. I believe in capitalism.”
54. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
55. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
56. “I’m not a fan of this word ‘salad.’ It comes from the Latin word ‘salerius,’ meaning ‘dirty leafy water.’
58. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
59. “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had.”
60. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
62. “I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years.”
63. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
64. “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”
66. “I have a hernia. It’s nothing to worry about. Just a little bulge.”
67. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
68. “I’m not a fan of this word ‘internet.’ It seems too impersonal. I prefer ‘world wide computer information network.’
70. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
71. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
72. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
74. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
75. “I once ate a whole pig. I don’t mean a whole pig’s worth of bacon and sausage. I mean a whole pig, from snout to tail.”
76
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